Had to Do It... Had to mention it again

So I have to do it and mention that I am on call again...
I realized that I talk a lot about call and being on call, the logistics about call, and so forth but I guess it is because I do a lot of call and my weekends are taken up by call... {I was getting sad this AM until a patient on anticoagulants who had a pulmonary embolus and a DVT called complaining of SOB so I had to put my other life on hold for the moment and also stop feeling sorry for myself}
Sad commentary on my life at the moment. Is it all right to say it? Sometimes, I hate my life and I "hate" to use the word "hate"...

I wish I could just be a mother... A wise friend told me when I had stated this to her that really for a fellowship, one does not really ever get away it from it, the fellowship. She is right. I am constantly always thinking about my work, my research, my papers, what needs to be done, what needs to be done RIGHT NOW, what can be put off and what can wait, what people think of me, where my operating skills are going and have gone... I never really get a break from it... always at the edge of my mind, always "on". It did make me feel better that I had a reason why I was tired and felt "burnt out" but I just felt bad for feeling that way...

Now I guess it is because I am constantly "ON" and never really get to shut down...

On call again...